Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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