i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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