I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
