Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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