so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
