i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
