Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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