If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
