What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
