she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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