He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
