im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
