i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
