I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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