Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
where does the pee come out of this thing
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
