No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
