It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
