I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
