After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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