I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
