No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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