I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
