it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
