Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We need to rekindle our bromance
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
