shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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