but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
this beer tastes like vomit already
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hippo gnu deer
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
