I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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