So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
