Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
