dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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