Jerry, you need to find god
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
