Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
