he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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