Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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