He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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