I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
