Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
