Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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