I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So much Jack, so little girl.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
