i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize