He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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