I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
