I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
