So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You need Xanax blowdarts
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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