Your tits are I can't wait for
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
