remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
