She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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