do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
