i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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