Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
