there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
