never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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