I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Randomize
