I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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