I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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