she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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