Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
