My friends, they love my intelligence
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
