Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
