Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
